I wish...

I wish you are what I thought you are...

Does that make sense?

I always thought that the crap you see on television about people loving other people for what's inside them and not because of their outer beauty, was real. I still would like to believe... The thing is... All those people on television are already tall, skinny, pretty and smart... They wouldn't be there if they were genuinely ugly and all the opposites of the above.

Life sucks.

People are so shallow and judge on looks alone. We may like people for their awesome personalities. They could be charming, funny, and cute but still not be good enough for you to date just because they don't look like Brad Pitt or Cameron Diaz.

In truth, all the pretty people get guys.... Even the ugly skinny people can get someone... But not the fat people.... You could be pretty and fat but nobody would look at you twice because of your size. Although, I've seen a few people who are totally fugly but are in a relationship with perfectly good guys.

Were they blackmailed?

Or is there something wrong with me?

I thought that you liked me for me. I thought you looked past my size and thought of me as a possible lover... I know now that it's just wishful thinking... With my looks, you probably just think of me as a cute little sister. And dating your own little sister would be incest right? Even if we aren't related by blood.

Besides, there are other prettier skinnier girls than me.. And they're your friends....

Should I hate you?

No...

You made me feel somehow special and you gave me a kind of hope that I don't think I ever experienced before. And you were the first guy who I ever really thought of. The guy who is always on my mind, the guy who I always stare at and the guy who I wish would stare at me too...

But... I know now that it's impossible... I'm too insecure... I know I am... I may act like I'm okay but I'm not... I want you so badly it hurts... It hurts so bad I want to cry...

Is that pathetic?