Westlife Nut...

:3 I was just sitting around today watching TV and being bored when my mind suddenly remembered the other day, when Bern and I went to the karaoke and sung our hearts out. It was fucking awesome and fun.... I got tired though.. Haha... Standing and singing is no easy feat... o.o I now know how hard it is for artists to perform on stage while standing let alone singing.... ><

Anyway, from that flashback in the karaoke, I remembered this one song from Westlife that I really liked. It's called 'When You're Looking Like That'. Here are the lyrics:

She's a 5 foot 10 in catsuit and bambi eyes
Everybody's who's staring wouldn't believe that this girl was mine
I should have know I was wrong
When I left her for a life in pity
But they say you never miss the water until it's gone

Guess I failed to love you
And you're taking it out tonight

[Chorus:]
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that?
I can't believe what I just gave away
Now I can't take it back
I don't wanna get lost
I don't wanna live my life without you
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that?

She's all dressed up for glamour and rock and roll
Wanna squeeze her real tight get out of this place
If only I could take control

But she is out of my reach forever
And just a week ago she lied next to me
It's so ironic how I had to lose just
To see that I failed to love you
And you're taking it out tonight

[Chorus]

I don't wanna forget you
I don't even wanna try
How am I supposed to walk on by when you're looking like that?

[Chorus x3]

And you can even download the song from the link I posted. I was singing it the whole day today and now it's stuck in my head. I am loving the song. Now... I want to reminisce all the Westlife songs... I used to be a real Westlife nut... Haha I still love them though, but I'm not as crazy about them as I used to be. :D They're songs are epic though. Definitely stays with you...

Anyways... This is me being random... Enjoy~ ^^

Ul-jjang?? O_O

They're giving shows to good looking people now... -.- How come I feel this is so shallow? Maybe because I am not, I repeat not an ul-jjang. And if any of you are wondering what the fuck an uljjang is, it's Korean and literally translates to Pretty/Handsome face. 'Ul' or also pronounced 'Eol', which is short for 'ulgul'/'eolgul' means face and 'jjang' is used to describe something that is good or the best. So I guess you can say ul-jjang is translated as the best face... o.o

Enough of the Korean lesson. I just got back from KL and am just discovering that the local Animax channel has broadened its horizon from not only Japanese anime and Japanese music, but now it also shows Korean variety shows like Ul-jjang Shi Dae which means The Best Face Generation. :P It's a bad translation but yeah... That's pretty much how you translate it. Animax also shows Korean Music Shows... I thought only the Korean channel, KBS World had Korean Music shows... o.o Apparently not. The channel also has many Korean dramas, some of which I have already watched. ^^

I don't know if it's a good thing that Animax is showing all this Korean stuff, but I think it should stay true to its roots as a Japanese anime channel. It shouldn't be other than that... STAY TRUE TO ANIME!

Anyway, this is not the point of my post. My point is talking about shows like Ul-jjang Shi Dae that apparently celebrates good-looking teenagers and put them on TV. I'm sure you've heard all that crap about keeping it real and just being yourself, it's pretty hard to do both when the media is sprouting crap like this at kids. I know it's a Korean show but Korean entertainment is becoming very popular these days. And if it's not Hollywood's tight requirements don't get the teens, then the Korean entertainment ideal will.

Besides, have you noticed? All those people talking about keeping it real and being yourself are said by people who can afford to be themselves? They're pretty and skinny or tall and handsome. What about us people who aren't like that? Will we survive the world out there as all these requirements are placed on us?

I'm suffering now... So it's pretty much safe to say, I will not survive... I am one of those weaker ones who act strong. I suck...

o.o But people just say you have to think positively. It's easy for them to say... They're not going through what I am... Assies... -.-

It's a New Day~ :3

I guess it is meant to be... Whatever that means...

He isn't meant for me but that doesn't mean there is no hope right? Now, I am definitely content with just being his friend, his little sister that he can pick on and play around with. I am okay with that...

I guess this is what you call conforming? Yes, this is what you call conforming...

I am conforming to the image that other people have imposed on me in fear of being rejected and isolated. Which is probably why I still act like a baby even though I hate being called the baby.

It seems like the name 'baby' will stick with me no matter where I go...

I will just watch him and continue deceiving people with my mask. I know that it will be hard at times, but I swear that I'm so good at wearing it that I even trick myself. I can believe that I no longer have feelings for him, but the heavy brick on my chest would still be there...

Whatever.. I can survive... I've hidden my emotions before, and have tricked even the most observant... Even my best friends are tricked... Even I, of all people, am tricked by myself...

But how long can I keep this up?

Invisible

Even if you see me, you don't really see me do you?

I want you to see me, but I don't know how to show you me.

In other words, I'm in a dilemma...

I feel like this little speck of dust among these other hundreds and thousands specks of dust floating in this strange world. But I want to be special. Maybe not to everybody, but special in your eyes.

I've never felt this way before. I've never felt so insignificant that I just couldn't even picture us in the same social circle. Not that I'm implying I am in your social circle now, but at least we talk, we hang, we see each other during class. I'm not one of those weirdos that stare at their crushes from afar wishing that they would somehow notice them by some kind of miracle. Well, not anymore anyway.

Besides, I can never really be categorized as a weirdo since I never seriously liked anyone as how I like you now. I have only ever had minor crushes, which seem to go away once I try to rationalize myself from going any further than 'like'. I've never had a serious crush. At least, none serious enough that I actually stare at their Facebook profile hoping that something amazing would happen.

Yes, I stalk your Facebook account. It's the only way I can get to know you without really having to actually ask you questions. I always get tongue tied around you, so talking is out of the question. It's from your account that I learnt you are a party animal with a huge circle of friends, which consists of a lot of girls as well as boys.

I envy you.

You have the confidence to go out and just strut your stuff. No matter what people say. I live to please, as my life path number seemed to describe. I only please people and am afraid to upset them. In other words, I'm a suck up coward who wants everyone to like her, so I just say yes to everything.

I suck..

I'm tired of being the 'best friend' or 'what's her name'. I want to be known as me. Not just as somebody, but as me. Clare. I want to be noticed by boys, I want to be hit on (I probably have been hit on but didn't even realize it), I want to date, I want to love. I don't just wanna love anyone. I wanna love you.

But right now, the evidence is not allowing me to do so. And my built in personality, which analyzes both sides of a story and weighs the pros and cons of each, I can't just let myself fall into love like that. Especially when the outcome is not promising or sure. I'm a coward.

I want to tell you, but I'm afraid to be shot down.

I want to know what your affectionate pats mean, I want to know what your stares mean, what your jokes mean. Why you're so nice to me...

It's not that no one else is nice to me, but your nice is a totally different nice from what I'm used to.

Tell me what you mean!

I don't wanna be just another one of your friends...

I don't wanna be invisible...

I'm sick and tired

I don't know what I should do...

I mean I know what to do, but I don't know how to get around doing it..

There's no easy solution...

And I'm sick and tired of watching people with their perfect little lives complaining about the slightest mishaps...

Shut up...

There are enough bastards like you out there...